So what the hell do I do about this? Goddammit first my back gets sore, now this shit! Hmm... wait, there's gotta be a State Farm office here in Seattle. Maybe they can help me. Go to statefarm.com, there's nothing on the website that'll help me. How about a phone number so I can contact a human being or other intelligent entity? Can't find anything on the site. Back to Google. "state farm phone numbers". Here we go, an agent locator! "Seattle WA". There's a bunch of offices listed.
So I called the first one on the list, and talked to an agent and she said she'd call my agent back in Houston and get back to me. So while I waited for the phone to ring again, I looked at the Seattle agent's listing, clicked "Map", and now I know where they are and I can go there. Eventually she called back with news of faxed insurance cards from Houston. Whew! I shall go pick them up today and get my vacation back into a less ruined state.