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Mar. 26th, 2007

07:18 pm - Chinese fortune cookies and non-

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What if other kinds of restaurants gave out fortune cookies? What would a French fortune cookie say? How about a Mexican fortune cookie? Italian? Greek? Middle Eastern? I invite everyone who reads this post to riff comically on the subject!

I think a Swiss fortune cookie would say something like "Grüezi! Diin Huus wärda rächtig riin und diin Gält sichr sy", which means "Your house will be clean and your money will be secure in a vault."

Edit: Um, you don't have to translate it into the foreign language, just saying it in English is fine. I just had the urge to cobble up some Schwyzrdüütsch there, that's all. :}

Current Mood: cheerfulSwiss
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From:nefaria
Date:March 27th, 2007 01:20 am (UTC)
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Is it true that the Chinese invented spaghetti? Maybe some Italians in San Francisco invented the fortune cookies to get even.
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From:nefaria
Date:March 27th, 2007 01:14 am (UTC)
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The French ones would be specially packaged for American audiences and hence very rude. I ran it through a cheezy translator and got "La coupure du nez de la cale du fromage est très malheureuse, vous grand muncher d'imper, j'espèrent les tintements de valet votre Chevy!"

The original was "Cutting the nose of the wedge of cheese is very unlucky, you Big Mac muncher, I hope the valet dings your Chevy!"
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From:nefaria
Date:March 27th, 2007 01:18 am (UTC)
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Oh, the translation wasn't too good, running it backwards I got:
"The cut of the nose of the hold of cheese is very unhappy, you large muncher of imper, I hope for tinklings of servant your Chevy!"
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From:thecanuckguy
Date:March 27th, 2007 01:59 am (UTC)
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Hmmm, sounds like a good thing for me to riff on in my next standup routine - if you didn't come up with it first! :(

Middle Eastern: how do you spell that loud shrill trilling sound that one does when one parodies Middle Eastern (specifically Arabic) speech?

Jewish: "Call your mother already!"

Polish: "If you can read this, you're not Polish"

Scottish: there wouldn't be a fortune inside, just the bill

And finally:

"You know you're eating in a bad restaurant when you open your fortune cookie, and inside are directions to a better restaurant (or, alternately, "to the hospital")"
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:March 27th, 2007 10:14 am (UTC)

Scottish fortune: "You'll have had your tea"

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Go ahead and riff on it! I don't mind. :}
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From:electronin
Date:March 27th, 2007 02:00 am (UTC)
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"This is gonna be murder on your sciatic in twenty years, mark my words."
"Whattaya want, a bedtime story?"
"So I told her if she wanted to bring an umbrella she'd be very disappointed."
"Remember to pick up my coat from the dry cleaners."
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From:ronald_mack
Date:March 27th, 2007 02:05 am (UTC)
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Mexican fortune cookies would have a map showing all the holes in the border fence.

A Quebequious fortune cookie would contain various Quebequois insults, such as "Grosse câlisse de vache sale qui a le jus de plote qui goute la sauce à poutine!" and "Ton père a fouré ta mère tellement fort, que tu suçais des queues déjà quand t'étais un foetus."

I'm not translating those.
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From:zrath
Date:March 27th, 2007 04:25 pm (UTC)
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It's not a Quebecois insult unless you use "Tabernac"!! :D

And wow, that second one is vile!


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From:timmowarner
Date:March 27th, 2007 02:08 am (UTC)
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Canadian Fortune Cookies already exist.

They say "Roll up the Rim to Win."
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:March 27th, 2007 09:57 am (UTC)
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Well... certainly *I* do, but perhaps you could explain for our non-Canadian audience?
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From:circuit_four
Date:March 27th, 2007 03:20 am (UTC)
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This sounds like the sort of thing they'd do for a 99p Challenge game.

Hmm, Russian fortunes would all be grim, black humor. "If you think your meal was bad, think of us - we had to watch it being made!" "Your lucky numbers are 3, 7, and 12, but bah, what good is luck? It will not save us from the harsh winter."
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:March 27th, 2007 03:45 am (UTC)
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Bourgeois citizen dines in Russian restaurant. When done, he gets fortune cookie. Reads: "17". Waiter comes, he asks, "What means this fortune?" Waiter snaps fingers. Two burly ex-KGB come, drag him into backroom. He comes not out. Later, second bourgeois comes in and dines. He gets fortune cookie. Reads: "18".
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From:shelbystripes
Date:March 27th, 2007 05:46 am (UTC)
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Mexican fortune cookie:

"Your journey to success crosses a river." On the back, instead of lottery numbers, are GPS coordinates for unpatrolled sections of the Rio Grande.
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:March 27th, 2007 10:16 am (UTC)
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Mas bueno!
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From:kamesama
Date:March 27th, 2007 06:38 am (UTC)
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A French fortune cookie could say "you're gonna die soon if you keep eating greasy food like that. Get out of here before José Bové burns the place. Your lucky numbers are...wait, lotto is for losers !".
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:March 27th, 2007 10:22 am (UTC)
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Now that sounds like something only a French person could come up with. :} (Seriously, I don't think most Americans would know who José Bové is; I didn't, so I looked him up on Wikipedia.)
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:March 27th, 2007 10:23 am (UTC)
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AAAAAAAAHH!! IT IS GODZI-- oh wait.

[runs off]
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From:deckardcanine
Date:March 27th, 2007 03:00 pm (UTC)
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Jewish fortunes.
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From:jugularjaguar
Date:March 27th, 2007 07:59 pm (UTC)

cookies

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The Polish Cookies would be written in German.
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From:zrath
Date:March 27th, 2007 10:03 pm (UTC)
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The French fortune cookies would written in an ambivalent, indecisive, fence-straddling style, but of course!
Nothing comes to mind right now though...


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