Not that either.
He got drumsticks.
Someone sent my dad, who has never played a musical instrument in his life, a pair of genuine USA hickory NOVA drumsticks, size 5A. Care to guess who sent them?
TIAA-CREF sent 'em.
Why, you may ask, did a financial services organization send my dad, a professor of nuclear physics who has less musical talent than a Geiger counter, a free pair of drumsticks?
Well, in the mailing tube with the drumsticks was a little brochure: "You are invited to join us for a PERCUSSION EXTRAVAGANZA."
"Doctors Orchestra of Houston"
"Established in November 2000, Doctors Orchestra of Houston is the newest community orchestra in the United States having its origin in the health professions. A number of its members are physicians, dentists, nurses, medical students, biomedical students, social workers and other allied health professionals and music lovers."
"The mission of Doctors Orchestra of Houston is to offer a creative outlet for health professionals, to contribute culturally to the community by providing low-cost, classical music performances in professional venues, and to help raise funds for medical and other charities through its concerts."
"Join us for a wine and cheese reception and concert as TIAA-CREF presents the Doctors Orchestra of Houston
featuring the Shepherd School of Music Percussion Ensemble."
"The performance will benefit the Parkinson Foundation."
Then there's info about where and when this takes place, where to pick up the tickets, and other contact info.
Sooo... it's an elaborate invitation to a percussion concert, with perhaps an encouragement for Dad to consider learning to play the drums himself? Whatever it is, this is not the kind of thing my dad's interested in, and he has no use whatever for the drumsticks. Sooo... free drumsticks for me! Thanks, Dad!
Maybe I'll buy drums to play with them. Maybe I'll clean them and use them as chopsticks (except my drawing hand would get really tired and cramped). Maybe I'll carry them in my car for self-defense. "Wanna carjack my Yaris, huh? My Gene Krupa-esque solo on your skull says different!"