(And do not bother me with "get a Mac" or "use Linux". Such comments will be considered unfunny, unamusing, and worst of all unhelpful. It's like telling someone who's asking how to calculate sales tax "move to Canada" or something. All he needs is a calculator!)
(That is to say, I've put a lot of work into getting everything on this computer how I like it and where I want it. I'm not throwing it out just because you think Macs are better. This does not preclude my someday maybe getting a Mac or something, just NOT NOW.)