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YES YOU ARE A SOLICITOR. YOU ARE TOO. STOP ARGUING AND GO AWAY. - The online computery journal thingy of a turtle

Jan. 25th, 2011

04:19 pm - YES YOU ARE A SOLICITOR. YOU ARE TOO. STOP ARGUING AND GO AWAY.

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Wow, the "NO SOLICITORS" sign totally doesn't work. Nobody will admit to being a solicitor. Everybody seems to think it means "vacuum cleaner salesman". Like the guy who rang our doorbell just now offering to trim tree branches. I pointed at the sign. He ignored it and kept trying to deliver his spiel. I pointed again. He said he's just trimming trees, not selling vacuum cleaners, and demanded a yes or no. I said no. As he left, he said, "Fine. You don't need to give me some smartass answer." HEY ASSHOLE, YOU INTERRUPTED MY LIFE. GO FALL OFF A ROOF AND BREAK YOUR STUPID NECK!

So I found myself wondering, how do you say "no solicitors" in people-who-don't-know-what-solicitor-means-speak?

Maybe I should just disconnect the doorbell. But then what would the pizza guy ring?

Maybe a sign saying "DELIVERIES ONLY"? Do they make those? Would it do any good? It wouldn't, would it.

Comments:

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From:cnoocy
Date:January 25th, 2011 10:22 pm (UTC)
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You can ask the pizza guy to call you from his cellphone. I've also seen "Deliveries Only" signs on businesses, so they do exist.
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:January 25th, 2011 10:33 pm (UTC)
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I don't want him to call me from his cellphone! I want him to bring the pizza to the door as usual! The point is to maximize my convenience.

GO AWAY UNLESS YOU ARE DELIVERING FOOD OR PACKAGES, OR WE INVITED YOU HERE. Do they make those?
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:January 25th, 2011 11:35 pm (UTC)

Re: Mondern Technology

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I know! I just thought "Do they make those?" sounded a bit catchphrasey. :}
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From:deckardcanine
Date:January 25th, 2011 10:29 pm (UTC)
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Just make sure that your friends and welcome relatives don't get discouraged by that sign.
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From:nefaria
Date:January 26th, 2011 12:11 am (UTC)
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Would you like to buy some tapes? We have Celine Dion, INXS, ...
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:January 26th, 2011 04:15 am (UTC)
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(I'd decline, naturally. I'd say:)
No! I don't want any of your blasted tapes.
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From:pippinbear
Date:January 26th, 2011 12:59 am (UTC)
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A solicitor is a kind of lawyer who specialises in general, non-court practice (a barrister being the kind of lawyer who represents clients in court). (Actually, a barrister is instructed by a solicitor, so they represent their client's client.) I'm pretty sure a tree surgeon doesn't fall under that definition, so they should get lost.

(Oh, I seem to recall there's some other definition of "solicitor" over there, isn't there? Oh well, not to worry, just confuse them with the UK definition. :))

If pointing to the sign doesn't work, how about shutting the door in their face? :)
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From:deckardcanine
Date:January 26th, 2011 01:45 am (UTC)
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I was just thinking that. Maybe let the sign say, "Solicitors will have the door slammed in, if not on, their faces mid-sentence. You have been warned."
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From:orv
Date:January 26th, 2011 12:59 am (UTC)
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I saw one once that said, 'NO SOLICITORS. THIS INCLUDES JESUS.' Somehow I doubt it discouraged Jehova's Witnesses, though.
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From:wbwolf
Date:January 26th, 2011 01:16 am (UTC)
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I've seen a lot of people fail to heed NO SOLICITING signs. Most have some religous purpose. You have to show them dictionary definions to prove it applies to anyone coming to the door.
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From:tilt_longtail
Date:January 26th, 2011 01:16 am (UTC)
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Answer the door naked!
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From:deckardcanine
Date:January 26th, 2011 01:43 am (UTC)
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Even if you don't know who it is yet? And who else might be in view?
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:January 26th, 2011 01:59 am (UTC)
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You mean I have to take my clothes off?! Sheeeesh! The whole point is to maximize my convenience, and you're telling me to do extra worrrrrk!
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From:varro
Date:January 26th, 2011 06:01 am (UTC)
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Fine...just because I prepare documents in my office and don't wear a wig and robe means I can't come to your house?
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From:athelind
Date:January 26th, 2011 07:12 am (UTC)
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My preferred phrasing:

"No Solicitors, Salespeople, Fundraisers, Missionaries, Evangelists, or Political Activists."

You could add something about "Uninvited Service People".
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From:ted_ursus
Date:January 26th, 2011 02:50 pm (UTC)
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I was once a "not really a solicitor" and the sign that best worked was a handwritten note saying "I work third shift, please respect my sleep"
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:January 26th, 2011 11:50 pm (UTC)
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I think I'll try something like that.

GRAVEYARD SHIFT
PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB
UNLESS YOU ARE DELIVERING
FOOD OR PACKAGES
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From:shockwave77598
Date:January 26th, 2011 03:39 pm (UTC)
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I wanted a sign. "Salesmen coming to this house consent to being shot and fed to the coyotes."

Wife wouldn't allow it. Strange, that.
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