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Tell Jesus I'm just washing my windshield - The online computery journal thingy of a turtle

Oct. 13th, 2008

02:18 pm - Tell Jesus I'm just washing my windshield

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My windshield needed a thorough washing on both sides, so I decided to use the free squeegee at the local Chevron station and do my work in the shade of the big canopy. Fortunately when I got there, there was a broken pump I could park at to do my work without blocking anyone from getting gas.

Once I got the outer surface clean, I got out my Windex to wash the inside. As I stood outside my car spritzing a paper towel, a street preacher came up to me and asked me something about Jesus. I muttered something about being too busy. After I finished cleaning the windshield, I got out of my car again to put the Windex and the paper towels back in the trunk. The guy showed up again and tried to engage me in conversation:

PREACHER: Do you love Jesus?
ME: Nope.
P: Who do you love?
M: That's a personal question.
P: Oh, that's personal?
M: Yeah.
P: But you gotta be representing your God.
M: I don't have a god.
P: You don't believe in God?
M: That's right.
P: That's right?
M: That's right.

Then he stepped up onto a concrete island and exclaimed, "I REBUKE that statement! Jesus is REAL!" A number of things I could have said to him flitted through my head, such as:

"I rebuke that statement right back. If Jesus was real, he lived two millennia ago, and his followers spread a bunch of myths about him."

"Look, it's people like you that make me not want to come to this gas station. You're bad for business."

"I didn't come here for a theological debate. I just came here to wash my windshield."

"You seriously expect to win any hearts and minds with a confrontational attitude like that?"

But I couldn't decide which, if any, would be most effective, so I ignored him and drove off. It's true, though; half the time I go to that station, someone seems to want to strike up a conversation with me, though it's usually to ask for money. I may have to stop going there after all, which is a pity as it's so close to my house.

(And now that I reread what he said to me, I'm getting a distinct vibe of "Yess! I got a live one! Time for the sales pitch!" I guess ignoring him was the best thing.)

Comments:

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From:neuracnu
Date:October 13th, 2008 07:43 pm (UTC)
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You really should complain to the station's owner. You don't need to harass them or threaten never to shop there again, just let them know that you don't enjoy being solicited. If enough people complain, the manager might start calling the police.

Or, for maximum irony, you could hang around the station and ask patrons to complain about all the soliciting.
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:October 13th, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
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Guess I'll give the gas station one more chance then. If it happens again, I'll let them know.

Thing is... the customers of that gas station are predominantly black and Hispanic. And when I say "predominantly", I mean every time I go there, I seem to be the only white guy on the premises. I mean, half the people who pull up to get gas have rap blaring out their windows. And I get the strong impression they all love Jesus and don't mind having preachers around. So... I dunno.

Edited at 2008-10-13 08:02 pm (UTC)
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From:chipuni
Date:October 13th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
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You can always tell him about the long, slow dance you did with Jesus, and how you helped him out of his shirt, and how you traced your fingers down his manly chest...
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From:nicodemusrat
Date:October 13th, 2008 08:07 pm (UTC)
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Exactly where I was going to go. :)

My favorite/suggested reponse:

PREACHER: Do you love Jesus?
ME: I did, but it was non-consentual.
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From:thecanuckguy
Date:October 13th, 2008 09:03 pm (UTC)
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Ooo, new icon?

Gay people have "gay-dar", us Christians have "heathen-dar", we can spot one of you unsaveds from 50 paces out! It's your own damn fault for being out in public like that! :) (Seriously, dude, you gotta move to California, or Connecticut, or another of those "godless communist states that's taking America to hell", in Texas, well, pickings are slim for non-Christians ... )

In Winnipeg, we recently (meaning in the last few years - I can remember it so it must be recent) put in anti-panhandling bylaws where panhandlers (aimed at the "agressive" ones - ie the ones I always seem to encounter) aren't allowed to panhandle where they have a "captive audience", like red lights, bus stops, gas stations, etc. We don't have the "uber-Christian" problem you do in Texas, apparently, but I would think a similar law would cover it (after all, I've seen JWs/Mormons at the bus stop (you can spot them with their matching outfits and name tags) but they've never "preached" to me either at the stop or on the bus, just at their regular "door-to-door" thingy.

Next time you see one of those guys, sock 'em one for me, they give Christians like me a bad name, and I'm sure has made several decent non-religious folks like yourself lump people like me in with those visible wackos.
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From:orv
Date:October 14th, 2008 12:46 am (UTC)
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As someone who lives in one of those "godless communist states," I can tell you that while society on a whole is less religious, it just makes the religious people that are here even more strident and evangelistic.
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From:normanrafferty
Date:October 13th, 2008 09:16 pm (UTC)
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I want money FOR Jesus.

It's okay. I'm His agent.
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From:deckardcanine
Date:October 13th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC)
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At least you refrained from saying, "Yes, I love Jesus -- he tastes like chicken."
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From:klepsydra
Date:October 13th, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)

Waaa!

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"I didn't come here for a theological debate. I just came here to wash my windshield."

"Oh! Well, you want next door then. It's being hit on the head lessons in here."
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From:dv_girl
Date:October 14th, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
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Next time tell him that you're a lesbian.
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From:orv
Date:October 14th, 2008 12:49 am (UTC)
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Oh, but haven't you heard? They can fix that!
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From:thecanuckguy
Date:October 14th, 2008 10:44 pm (UTC)
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Sadly, you don't need to go to the Onion for that. Take out the trademark wit and you'll find pretty much the same thing on several "real" websites.
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From:joysweeper
Date:October 14th, 2008 02:34 am (UTC)
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Drive-by comment(I'm sorry. I couldn't resist): Well, my god has a hammer! Niflheim Aye! (Because Thor there is a god, and... yeah.)

Comics fan. Sorry.
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:October 14th, 2008 02:42 am (UTC)
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He hammers in the morning? He hammers in the evening? All over this land?
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From:joysweeper
Date:October 14th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
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I don't know that reference, so uh - Doubt the power of his hammer, and he will smite you with it. Awed university students fall into line to ask about it and touch it. (This is true.)
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:October 14th, 2008 03:25 am (UTC)
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Peter, Paul & Mary - If I Had A Hammer.
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From:thecanuckguy
Date:October 14th, 2008 10:24 pm (UTC)
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"Meatspace". Love it.
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